A Book Review: 50 Shades of Grey

50shades

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I am not one who is easily swayed to instantly love a book simply because it has gained incredible popularity. Harry Potter, Twilight and the Hunger Games were all collections that I came to enjoy after I chose to give them a chance and form my own opinion of them. Despite the chatter I’ve heard about the 50 Shades trilogy over the past few years, I never gave in to reading the books. It wasn’t until I became bewilderingly fascinated that these tales were big screen-worthy that I finally decided to see what all the fuss was about. Since I had some credits available, I decided to spend one on the audio version through Audible.

So, just to make it clear, I’m not blindfolded by a necktie right now…but I definitely don’t see what all the commotion is about. In fact, there are so many things wrong with 50 Shades of Grey that I’m not even certain where to begin.

Here’s a list for starters:

1. The main character, Anna (and the narrator) sounds like she is a high school teenager–rather than a college graduate

2. The narrator somehow manages to sound surprised and awed (maybe confused?) for even the most minute details, including describing her love object, Christian Grey’s outfits and the way his pants hang off his hips.

3. No matter how many times Christian is intimate with her, Anna still “doesn’t get” that he’s interested/wants her/is aroused by her. (Are you that dense, Ms. Steele?)

4. She refers to her laptop as “the mean machine.” Really?

5. She and Christian E-MAIL each other and every detail of every message is monotonously read…including the subject, time and signature lines of each one. And there is constant back-and-forth banter between Anna and Christian, so it’s not like your ears are just tormented by a short amount of time by these messages. Haven’t these people ever heard of texting? I know this story is set in 2011, but come on…we weren’t exactly living in the stone ages back then.

6. She refers to her lady parts as “down there.”

7. She cries every time he leaves. EVERY. TIME.

8. Anna’s most common and expressive response to…everything is “Oh my!”

Speaking of expressions, here’s another list:

Expressions and phrases I have heard more than enough for a lifetime after enduring this book:

1. OH MY!

2. Holy crap!

3. “My breath hitches…”

4. His gray eyes

5. OH MY!

If you haven’t gotten my point already, it is my opinion that 50 Shades of Grey is a terribly written book and I am ashamed at all of the popularity that has been gained by such a piece of literary trash. It’s wide popularity leaves me seriously wondering how we have lost all appreciation for true literature and real writers.

Don’t get me wrong…It isn’t the story’s subject that I have any problem with at all, (though I can attest to the fact that they don’t even really get into it, aside from a lengthy and eye-roll inducing contract, even halfway through the book) but much more the fact that I truly believe that a middle school student could have thrown together a story with a bit more imagination, creativity and varied language than E.L. James managed to do.

I give this book two thumbs down…0 out of 5 stars…and a final statement that it was so appalling, gut-wrenchingly repetitive and B-O-R-I-N-G that I couldn’t even bring myself to finish it. My next stop is Audible.com to make the return.

Were you thinking about reading or listening to the audio book yourself? I don’t know how long it would take you to read it but as far as the audio version–PLEASE, do not waste 19 hours of your life.

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